Merry and Bright

Okay, I stole that title from Express' Christmas campaign. But it seems fitting right now, just past the Christmas rush. Our family used to be so with it, getting our tree and presents up really early in the season. But as the years go by and everyone's new nuclear families expand (there will be 12 of us this year and 13 next), we come to the finish line later and later. I did get the tree early to surprise Mom about two weeks ago, but I was so late on getting her gift, it arrived Christmas Eve afternoon!! (Thanks Amazon ;) ) Over all Christmas managed to be a lovely day, and was filled with food and family and pajamas.

One tired little niece, Ella, fell asleep munching on some cereal in the afternoon.

Owen and me at my aunt's Christmas party that evening. He's awfully serious in pictures.

(I'll stick a family photo in when my sisters get them to me as well)

On the 23rd I had my high school NESA class over for a little reunion. We managed ten of the nineteen on Facebook (I know, what is the world coming to?) and had a blast! It was so nice to catch up and see what everyone is doing now. Mom commented that its really cool to see how grown up everyone is, all the different paths we've taken. Michael brought a beautiful camera and tripod and we took a few pictures.

From left: Carlyn, Michael, Rachel, Leonard, Paige, Marsha, Grayson, Andres, Ashley, and me. We've got filmmakers, actors, cheesemongers, international relations, future doctors and therapists all in this bunch alone.

We are still, after all the years, a rather silly bunch.

So I've been home five weeks tomorrow and it's been so relaxing and lovely. I've seen lots of people, slept without alarms, worked on my scrapbook (dork alert), sat around a few fires, and been on tons of lunch dates. I feel so blessed to have had such a long holiday, to be surrounded by people who love me. But I did "man up" four days ago and buy my ticket back to the Big Apple. I leave the 30th, just in time for New Years Eve in Manhattan! After my initial anxiety and refusal to press "purchase", I am very excited to go. I know in my heart the next step is in New York and beyond that, God only knows.

As I continue to coach myself in the art of taking things one day at a time I am so hopeful about what is next. While I do feel less and less sure of who I am, I know that being open to new experiences, open to letting life take me on the ride, will be less stressful and more fulfilling in the end. I've talked to a lot of my friends in this similar situation- having just graduated and feeling very lost in the world, unsure of their own footing- and I just tell them what I tell myself everyday: "I am young. Hardly anyone knows who they are or what they want when they are young. It is ok to search. It is ok to fail. It is ok to continually change my mind."

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year out there!

Answering Phones

Full disclosure: This is a rant. If you can't handle a little frustration about the lack of humanity, just skip it my darlings.

I could make a full time job of answering my house phone these days. Multiple people call during the 9 to 5 hours and the conversation follows a basic script.

Me: Hello?
Caller: ....um, am I calling a doctor's office? (irritated and thoroughly confused)
Me: Well, yes. This was Doctor Kittrell's office line but we've forwarded it to our house now. He's no longer in practice. (I can't really bring myself to say the alternative to strangers)
Caller: Yeah I know he passed away. I just need  ___________ (usually 'my records transferred' or 'the new doctor's number'). 
Me: Alright. I've got Doctor S's number, he can help you with either.

First of all, we sent these expensive, legally mandated letters TWICE to every patient he saw in the last two years. It cost us thousands of dollars to inform these people of the steps to take to find a new doctor or how to contact Doctor S (who took over the practice) for their records or an appointment. Either way, we are no longer in charge. So if they were recent and consistent patients, they have TWO letters at their house with his phone number. Get it together people.

Another thing, if you are aware of the situation and I revealed you are now calling our HOUSE, you are probably speaking to a family member! Sometimes they are sympathetic and their prior knowledge of his death goes more like, "Oh, yes I'm sorry. You must be his daughter? He was a wonderful doctor." But usually the subtext is more, "Yeah, fully aware. Just fix this." RUDE! I've been tempted to say at the end of the conversation, "You know, I'm sure you are frustrated you've got to find a new doctor, but he was my dad. There are lots of doctors, but I only had one dad. That's all." Unfortunately I have no such courage.

If I let it go to the answering machine, they don't leave a message. Shocker. I'm sure they think his office is still open or something, it's just frustrating being treated with such disrespect when I feel like I make it pretty clear they are speaking to his family. It has been five months, but there are still such strong triggers for my anger or sadness, and this is definitely one of them. Rude anonymous callers, speaking to me as if it's my fault they need to find a new doctor and have waited half a year to do so.

Alright, out of my system. I promise to be more enlightened or positive or clever next time. But you know, sometimes you've just got to make a public display of your frustration with insensitivity. To dad's former patients: he LIVED to work, he loved you, so be nice to those he left behind.