A Start

It's frustrating to start in the middle, but I couldn't possibly start at the beginning. So here goes nothing. My second attempt at the blog, but this time I've got a better handle on what I want to share.

The idea came to me just after my dad died. Today is one month since we lost him. I realized in my family's tragedy, there is so much of the world that we are completely unprepared for. I don't remember a lesson in school about how to deal with losing a parent, or what happens after you graduate from college with a BFA, or any number of inevitable major life transitions. Sure, plenty of advice comes your way, but there are no instructions.

Shaving, 1990.

Carla's wedding, 2005.

I am in the middle of said life transitions. I just graduated from NYU, which sent me into a tizzy of questioning my impending gypsy-hood. I had a job in Florida but it was only a temporary contract and I would have to face the music come fall. When Dad went in the middle of the show's run, it really opened my eyes. I feel like I am looking at a fork in the road, but there are ten different directions and nothing is labeled. That I could travel gracefully down some paths, but others would be an uphill battle.


So back to the point of this little internet diary excursion. Since July 2nd, I have finished the show in Florida, returned home, and booked a new job that rehearses in San Antonio and tours the nation for the fall. This amazing opportunity is something I had set my sights on earlier this year, but my perspective has completely changed. Of course I am still excited to go, and star in shows and see the country from the highway. But I am learning to not make so many plans, and simply enjoy the journey. Because it comes at you so quickly, you'll miss something if you always have your head down.


I want to document this time "after"...after graduating, after losing, after realizing that time is both endless and fleeting. That I want more than words allow. That there's been some profound change in my being, and sorting it out is the only thing I know I have to do.