Music Music Music

September has begun! I've always loved this month, something about the way the word crunches in your mouth: "September". It's crisp, a new page, the start of school- until this year. It's odd to see my friends who are still in school fall off the map with the start of classes. A part of me still feels like I should be in that headspace. I hope this month will be as full of new beginnings and creative juice as usual.

I'm in full swing rehearsal for the two shows at Magik and loving my cast. It's fun and strange to be in another male dominant cast...they have SO MUCH energy! After high school and university where there are always 20 girls for each guy, it is a nice change. There is a LOT of music...I am learning quickly what I can and cannot do the night before a 9-3:30 rehearsal, and how to maintain my voice through multiple sing throughs. There are days on tour where we do "Alice" three times!! As soon as I figure out how to map our journey I will post all our stops and shows.

It is funny though how rehearsal can be going so well and home is not so easy. I guess I'm still cycling through all the emotions of loss, but last week was a real roller coaster. Coming home to an empty house full of photographs and memories everyday, I still expect to see Dad walk down the hall or peep into my room. The blow of reality is still a daily thing. My sisters and I have talked about how the day goes by somehow, but the night is full of voices and a hollow that you cannot fill. That is the worst of it.

I just have so many questions for him...a lot are simple- "What is the fastest way to get from downtown to the medical center?"- and -"Where is your heating pad?" Others only he could answer. As a child my favorite question was "How many babies did you deliver today?" I try to listen for him, but often my impatience or fear gets the better of me.

That is my current struggle: impatience and fear of the unknown. BUT to end on a positive note- which I think is always the best policy- I had a really lovely weekend with people from the theatre and realized (yet again) what a wonderful, compassionate, and hysterical bunch of people I work with. In a time of great instability, Magik feels like home.